Larry Craig in the Toilet


At his Berkeley Concert, Lenny Bruce asked how somebody could get arrested in a public toilet. "Guys who can wash their hands are amazing to me," he said. "All I want to do is piss and leave." I can't quote it exactly because I loaned the album maybe thirty years ago, and never got it back. But I can paraphrase it, and with another Republican demonstrating why the party is against gay marriage (too vanilla), Lenny's commentary may be apropos.

Again, don't pick this up as an accurate quote. It isn't. But it's close.

The guy is arrested in a public toilet and when asked what happened he said, "I accosted a police officer."

"How could you do that? There wasn't much concept of reality there."

"I didn't know he was a police officer."

"Was he in disguise? I mean, he wasn't wearing a low cut gown and leaning against the urinal, all sultry, was he? Because to a faggot a low cut gown must be tight Levis with a padded basket."

Right now I'm watching CSPAN, a video of the Ed Schultz radio talk show from Fargo North Dakota, and they're speculating on whether Idaho Senator Larry Craig has hit on John Edwards, because Edwards is so good looking. On MSNBC Tucker Carlson was describing how he manhandled somebody who approached him in a public toilet. That's believable. On other channels there were "experts" on toilet sex being interviewed.

One of them was an odd duck who said that no, he hadn't much experience with airport toilets, but had worked a lot of bus stations, and yes, there are men who solicit sex in those places.

In his Berkeley Concert Lenny also discussed the differences between men and women. "A woman can't walk through a plate glass door and have sex with you five minutes later," he said, "but a guy can have his foot cut off, and on the way to the hospital, he makes a play for the nurse."

"You're an animal! How could you do that?"

"It was her uniform. It turned me on."

Put a man on a desert island, he said, and he'll do it to mud. "Mud! You piece of shit, get your mud to make dinner for you."

There is an old joke that man was given a brain and a cock, but not enough blood to operate both of them at the same time. Most men have at some time followed their dick into a trap baited with pussy, and to some guys a dick is just a big clit and any hole is a pussy. But that cheapens the debate. We need to elevate it above toilet humor and look at the descent of the Spirit.

It works in mysterious ways. As Don Juan ...

This just in: The Idaho Values Alliance has called for Larry Craig's resignation ...

Back to our regularly scheduled programming ...

Don Juan told Carlos, before the descent of the Spirit a man can do whatever he wants, but not after. He raised his eyebrows and repeated it. "Before the descent of the Spirit, a man can do what he wants. But not after. The Spirit tries to talk to the man," he said, "but the man won't listen. So the Spirit sets a trap for him." The Spirit knows his habits, and so knows how to trap him.

Bill Clinton walked into the trap set by the Spirit. George Bush walked into the trap set by the Spirit. Richard Nixon walked into the trap and Ronald Reagan walked into the trap. What was Reagan's trap? I forgot.

So why shouldn't Larry Craig walk into the trap? It is the Spirit, after all, which deflates the ego and forces a person to integrate the unknown shadow. The unfortunate thing is that when a conservative is forced into a more mature stage of development, the other conservatives demand his resignation instead of congratulating him on suffering the wound through which the light can come in.

From a paper by Harvey Hall on: "Phallos: Sacred Image of the Masculine," by Eugene Monick:

One most striking reference Monick makes in Chapter 2 is his reference to the concept of the homosexual "radical" introduced by the Danish psychoanalyst, Thorkil Vanggaard. Monick agrees with Vanggaard that this radical is present in all males. "Every man has the capacity for some degree of homosexual interest ..." [36] He goes on to say: "How this appears in any one man is a factor of the masculine/feminine balance in his psyche, the configuration of archetypes in his unconscious, the environmental influences, genetic inheritance and the extent to which he has suppressed or repressed his homosexual interest." [ibid]

There was another commentator I heard speaking on Larry Craig, and he was on PBS. He was a different kind of man. The Spirit doesn't have to set a trap for him because he's listening to the Spirit. He said that Craig came from simple beginnings, out on a ranch, and is a very intelligent and talented man. He lamented the fact that liberals seem to relish the fact that he was arrested in a toilet. What he pointed out is that it is an unfortunate thing that in this country that the conservatives are so anti-gay that when a legislator in their party is gay, or bisexual, or having a temporary case of cock thrall, he has to be secretive about it.

I was just talking with Linda about the Craig story, and how it was being handled by the press. She mentioned that the bloggers who are outing people are doing it not because they are having gay sex, but because they are having gay sex and legislating against gay people. In other words, it is the hypocrisy that brings the heat down on them (pardon the expression).

That is understandable in a way. But in another way, each person deals with shadow integration in a process chosen not by the ego, with its poor time integration, but by something larger, which directs events toward a larger realization of consciousness. That something larger is the unconscious, and it has amazing time integration. It can string events together over decades to bring a larger pattern into the light. It is also completely amoral, which is why it is feared by the very patriarchal people.

In dreams, for example, you can commit murder or suck out somebody's brain through a straw if that's the best way to demonstrate a process with symbolic imagery. The right or wrong doesn't enter into it. That's only relevant for the conscious ego. And beneath the level of consciousness the dream is always there. The dream didn't give a rat's ass about the morality of soliciting sex in a toilet. It was simply looking at a set of symbols that told a story. It was the Spirit trying to talk to the man, if he would listen.

So you see where I'm going here, don't you? Larry Craig was in that toilet because that's the state of his feminine. Personally, I think he should take her out for some dinner and romance her a little. They could slip into a nice motel -- he's probably got an American Express Card -- and he could rub some anti-wrinkle cream on her. They might watch a movie together or linger together just shy of orgasm, then explode together wrapped in warm, wet terry cloth and sweet nothings.

And in the morning, all good humored, Larry can walk out into the sunshine and drink his coffee while the sun climbs up from the east, and say aloud, to nobody in particular, "My name is Larry, and I'm not taking my girl on any more dates to the public toilets, because she is a good girl and deserves my respect."

"But I like dirty sex."

"Shut up, bitch. Here come the reporters."

"Senator, what is your position on gay marriage now that you've been caught soliciting a police officer in the airport toilet?"

"By God I'm for it. They ought to get married and stop living like a bunch of whores."

"Excuse me, Senator? You mean you've changed your position? How about don't ask, don't tell?"

"Don't kiss and tell, that's my position, and you can quote me. Clinton was framed goddamn it."

"Senator, are you going to run for office again? Can you survive this?"

"I survived clap, young man, and I survived crabs. I'll survive being attacked in a public toilet by a gay police officer."

"Excuse me?"

"Sick fuck wanted to use handcuffs, in a public toilet. I say that's for a private room with an iron bed. I'll have his badge if he's lucky, and if he's not lucky, I'll have his balls."

Posted: Tue - August 28, 2007 at 09:43 PM