Limbaugh Cheese


Wow. Rush Limbaugh is so damned dumb he actually altered a transcript of his show to try and make himself look innocent of insulting American soldiers who oppose the war. It's like something somebody made up for The Onion, except in this case, satire has boots on the ground. Does he actually think there's no unedited transcript to compare to? I'm frightened.

I've been trying to hold it together until they outsource the CEO job to Dubai. We need help. We need a team of Swiss psychiatrists at the White House, now. But this Limbaugh thing is too much to deal with. They are not pretending to be thick as bricks as a conciliatory gesture to their base. It's real. It's happening. It's ... the ripening of the Man Who Would be Cheese.




Sorry about that, mates. It's what happens when you don't watch television. A long time ago I read a book by Gerry Mander on why I should get rid of my television. His arguments made a lot of sense to me, especially the one about bringing people under autocratic control.

It isn't that I don't watch television at all, but I'm more likely to watch CSPAN than anything else, because at least it's happening whether or not there's a camera there. It's the government in the process of governing. Book TV provides the in depth information missing from television news. I can't stand television news anymore, with the notable exception of "The Daily Show."

Colbert I can take or leave, but I will forever admire his courage in confronting George W. Bush with his formidable Fool Shadow.

I do like to listen to the radio, and once in awhile I listen to the radio as a kind of window into my neighborhood. I have neighbors who actually own a radio station which syndicates Limbaugh. I can't listen to it for very long because negative emotion drains away energy, and I don't have energy to waste.

In San Francisco I can tune into an unapologetically left bank station like KPFA. At least they play good music, even if you're afraid of liberals.

I believe good taste in music is a fair place to start looking at a radio station's quality, even if it's filler or production music. When I think of Rush Limbaugh, the music I hear is, "Take me out to the ball game, take me out with the crowd. Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks, I don't care if I ever come back let me root, root root for the home team ..."

And I see this kind of overweight kid who wants to be a regular guy, and he's with his friends going through the turnstile and he gets stuck. He's got a tear in his pants and he's trying to get loose before anybody notices he's stuck. The steel post of the turnstile is cold against his flesh. He shudders. "No! Not like this. Tell them I said SOMETHING!"

As you see I know nothing at all about Limbaugh and am reduced to childish taunts. I was brought up better than that but once I began to listen to Rush, the values began to erode. He was familiar to me, like the relatives who talk about the people who aren't there with an unrestrained viciousness. My favorite uncle was the one I never heard say anything about other people that didn't have a playful element mixed in, to leaven the bread.

Limbaugh does not leaven the bread. He is not a bright man, because a bright man would not allow himself to be used by people whose best interests are served by obscuring the public interest. The way this becomes clear is that he divides other people into those to be treated with respect and even reverence, and those to be sacrificed. He is a man with a split between what he is, and what he knows himself to be.

Ghandi said, "If you don't find God in the next person you meet, it is a waste of time to look for him further."

That's a hard act to follow.

What Limbaugh teaches other men is that there is no point in using your masculinity in service to something larger than yourself, when you can be one with your larger self. There are many ways to find your larger self, but none as effective as Limbaugh Cheese. It is a very ripe cheese which spreads smoothly on crackers. There are many different kinds of crackers, from ordinary Saltines to expensive deli brands, but they are united in their utter inflexibility.

The only beverage known to go well with Limbaugh Cheese is Mountain Dew. Its high fructose content contributes to the journey toward the larger self, and depletes calcium from the body so that it mutates toward a gelatinous, spineless mass of organic sludge. That certainly isn't going to question authority.

"Don't get puny."

"I won't, mama."

The thing that knocks me out is Limbaugh's altering the transcript, though. It's as if he actually thinks he has some integrity to protect. That's amazing. I want to shake him by his shoulders, not to watch his breasts jiggle, but to get his attention.

And when he's really in the moment, like the Zen essence of Oxycontin, I'll break it to him:

"No worries, partner. You have nothing left to lose."

Posted: Fri - October 5, 2007 at 12:08 PM