Abdullah Oblongata


There was intense excitement in New York City yesterday as three year old intelligence came around like an impossibly slow motion swing at the bad guys. The government put on a show of force to impress the citizenry with how much firepower it can mobilize. And watching through binoculars from his office window, is Abdullah Oblongata.

"I understand you're the brains behind this latest terrorist threat," I said when he answered his cellphone.

He said, "Who gave you this number?"

"Nobody gave it to me," I said. "It's your number. I'm the one who's calling you and not the other way around."

He paused for a few seconds. "Okay, I'll play the straight man and you be the comic."

"Don't be touchy."

"Even the word gives me the creeps. I'm a cold blooded killer in the service of mass murder."

"Are there a lot of others like you?"

"About average for men in war. Count Ciano once bombed a passenger liner for his pleasure in killing that many people in the hunt. It wasn't a legitimate military target. But neither was Hiroshima or Nagasaki or Tokyo.

"I don't think the American people understand what it is you hope to gain by killing innocent people."

"If you are a democracy, then you are responsible for your government. You aren't innocent civilians."

"Damn. You mean if we had a monarchy ..."

"Then we'd leave you alone because we'd figure, Hey, we know the name of that tune. Those poor people are under the thumb of a strongman. And that's exactly what George Bush is trying to do to protect your ungrateful asses."

"You mean ..."




"I mean he's taking away your vulnerability to the most persuasive argument advanced by the terrorists, which is that your government is the best you can create and project out to the world because you do it by a vote of the majority of your citizens. If you're as corrupt as any country run by a few rich families, how can we blame you?"

"Ouch. I guess we're not projecting anything the rest of the world is very impressed with, huh?"

"Texas retro doesn't translate well outside of military dictatorships."

"I see what you mean. Well, hell, here I was thinking bad of the man, and talking about Cheney like he's a slime ball ..."

"Well ... the fact is ..."

"As long as we're a democracy we're in danger. We can be anything we want to be, treat people any way we choose, and invest in the global economy."

"Yea, you'd like to buy the world a Coke, right on."

"So, can I ask you something personal?"

"Sure. I'm an Arab."





"Uh ... how do you think you're going to change the policies of the greatest power on earth through terrorism?"

"Let me ask you something. You ever watch a little kid build something with blocks?"

"Sure."

"Then you know how much easier it is to knock something down than to build it. Those great big tall buildings that represent international capitalism? We want to knock them down."

"And how about the common citizens. Do you want to kill them?"





"If the only way we can get to this government is by demonstrating its inability to protect you, yes. It's nothing personal."

"We'll hunt your ass down to a hole in the ground and exterminate you."

"Sure. Just the way you got rid of the drug problem and the gun problem and the trafficking in human slaves problem. You just find the bad guys and get rid of them, and problem solved. Clever idea."

"Mr. Bush's idea?"

"Bingo."

Posted: Tue - August 3, 2004 at 09:43 PM