Gildencock


Yesterday Linda the Web Mistress informed me that by putting Pussy in the title of the blog I would probably get caught in the porn filters, so I changed it to Pussycat. Not only that, I am already Banned in Beijing. As to why something like this would be banned in China I have no clue, unless they are like us, but with more discriminating filters. "Lookout men, this one's Capitalized. Steer clear of that intake."

In the movie, "Serial Mom," Kathleen Turner was driving her neighbor crazy with obscene calls, in which she would say, "Pussywillow," but with a growly, deviant emphasis on the first two syllables. By attaching the word to a cat or a river reed, it can be paraded out in the open without fear of the filters. But when it is detached and is a stand-alone-pussy it begins to draw negative attention. "Throw something over it!"

"What? A pussyblanket?"

"A prefix or a suffix, idiot. Vlokenpussy for all I care."

There is a correlation between reading good fiction and assuming obscene words to be neutral signifiers of the overall artistic merit of a piece of writing. This was recognized and the law was changed, so that nothing is to be judged obscene on the basis of just one portion or part. The overall artistic value of the work has to be considered. This allowed James Joyce's "Ulysses" to come into the country, as well as a lot of other great literature screened out because of words that tripped the filter.

That has now reversed again with the use of filters on the internet. If I understand it correctly, they filter for the words, without determining much if anything about the context. So in an effort to screen for pornography, they screen out pussywords with pussyfilters and fuckwords with fuckfilters. People are being encouraged to use euphemisms and double entendres so that they aren't identified as pornographic. This is not fair.

I think it's time we put some rules on pornography, and the first one would be that pornography is not allowed to use common vulgarity. By doing so they tie a colorful and creative part of our language to sexually explicit materials designed as essentially part of the drug market. The images target specific neural pathways to give you simulated sex. The words, in this case, are redundant. They describe the obvious. Using up all the earthy sexual words in this way is greedy, and it deprives ordinary working people of a base base, and leaves them flopping around in mismatched metaphors and stupid, childish gibberish.

Should pornographers be allowed to show everything, and tell everything? I don't think so. If they are allowed to show a woman having sex with farm animals, then they should be required to counterbalance this by restrictions on the words they can use. They can be confined to metaphorical language themselves, instead of damning the rest of us to it. What can she say to the donkey, really? Maybe, "Thanks for noticing me." But that's enough. More would be tasteless and certainly pointless. And more ruins it for the rest of us, who are denied our power words because of their association with explicit visual materials.

How can we hold up our heads in pride and talk about our "John Thomas" or "little honey pot?" This is not the behavior of free people and certainly not of the aristocrats. We need our words of the body, by the body and for the body, and we need to keep the Latin incrusted head out of it. And that is the goal of the "Gildencock Society," which is advancing legislation to restore public words to the public domain. I spoke by telephone with the President of the Gildencock Society, Dr. Frank Sinabun.

"First question, Doctor: why the Gildencock Society? It sounds almost like a 'gilded cock,' which suggests a phallus covered in gold."

"Well, that's right, Dan. You can look at it as something gaudy and overdressed, or you can look at it as something presenting a deceptively attractive outer appearance which might not be more than idiocy in a whorish disguise."

"I'm not sure I get the connection with requiring pornography to use metaphorical language."

"I can't put it more plainly without triggering the filter. I have to guild it, if you get my meaning, eh?"

"So why not just the Gilded Cock Society?"

"Because of the cockfilters, Dan. Gildedcock breaks down into two separate words, one of which might trip the filters. But Gilden is not a word, so far as most people know anyway, so they won't break the cock loose and have it swept into the cockfilters. That's why we decided on the Gildensock Society."

"Gildencock."

"Gildencock, yes. I said sock again, didn't I?"

"You did, yes."

"I actually went to a hypnotist to stop confusing my cock with a sock, and she used neurolinguistic programming to reframe the entire problem into the Cat in the Hat, and reduce it to the confusion between thing one and thing two, so that it can be dealt with pragmatically."

"Whether it's thing one or thing two, there's some reason why when you meant cock you said sock, even though that's beyond the scope of this interview; We leave that to the Freudians, once you've put your foot in it. Why are you sponsoring legislation to outlaw adult language in pornography?"

"They don't need it, Dan. They've already got all the visual freedom in the world, they can call the mound of Venus a pussywillow or Emmanuel Kant, and they can call the shaft of gold ..."

"The Gildencock?"

" ... yes, precisely ... it triggers no filters for language, so we get our earthy words back from the pornographers, for out own use. It's a conservative issue at heart."

"I understand you've got some pornographic film segments with you that demonstrate how the industry can comply with the new legislation, should it pass the Senate and be signed by the President.

"He's already said he would sign this legislation. The Christian Coalition is behind us on this, as well as the Federation of Loosely Jewy Gentiles. It's part of a kinder, gentler, multibillion dollar sex trade, which is of course in danger of being shut down if it refuses to accept some kind of regulation.

But let's watch this clip and I think you'll get a better idea of the changes in store for adult movie patrons."

It came up on the screen grainy, but then I realized it was a special effect as it gradually began to move back into a black frame, until it was just the flickering tv light by which I could see the beast with two backs rutting in the sheets in the foreground.

"I'm in flames," the woman said.

"As am I," the main rejoined. "I feel like my frank's in a bun."

"Hold on," I said. "That was self promotion, Frank Sinabun."

"To be perfectly Frank ..."

"Just stop. This is shameless self-promotion."

"What's to be ashamed of? You hear worse than that at the International House of Pancakes. Wait. Here comes the money shot."

There is the sound of a gunshot from the doorway. The porn star slumps to the floor, fatally wounded. "Fluffer," he stammers, then he dies. A Mexican man is standing in the doorway with a smoking gun.

The woman lashes out at him, furious: "For the last time, Louis, you have to assimilate."

"We're going for story here," Dr.Sinabun said.

"You killed the guy? Why'd you do that?"

"To avoid an X rating."

Posted: Wed - March 7, 2007 at 03:39 PM